Do you deserve what you give away?

Sometimes, I get confused on why I am living this life of mine. Some say that life has a meaning. Others are atheists when it comes to that belief. What do I believe in? I don't have an answer for that yet. But let's talk.

I was lucky to have been brought by an awesome duo (my parents) and a loving brother (although crazy at times :P) Last January the family just got expanded by a teeny bit, by my wife :). I had been through hard times... physical breakdowns and metal agony... and I had a handful of friends to support me and help me get through them. To all of these people, what you could give was love and more love. I took all those chances that came by me to make them happy, care for them, and help them in their hardships. But, when you invest your joy and life in making others happy, do you expect something in return? I felt that I didn't, and I used to brag about it. But it suddenly dawned on me that the investment (let's call it) is not fruitful if you are not receiving the respect and the response for the efforts that you put for a better world around you, right?

Then, there is the other side where philosophically, you do what you think you should do and do not expect. And the steadfast rule is: YOU DON'T EXPECT! Yes... But I feel that we are all made to expect, brought up in a society and environment where you are made to expect. Expectations always stayed the primary goal. Expectations to score good grades... expectations to be a topper... expectations to end up in a "good" and well-paid job... get settled... get married...  get along with the society as they expect you to... and many more... Can you think of a reason why you shouldn't be the society and become a rebel, not to expect and live?

Think... Each and every homeless person whom you meet in the streets at some point of your life come to you for help. Many won't mind the presence of the helpless even being there. For the helpless person, he moves on and meet the next person going around him. If he was to EXPECT, he would have been done with his life long back. But he holds HOPE! Is there a difference?  For me, yes there is. When you expect, you are definite that you are getting it or sure of something to happen. And if it doesn't, then your gloomy face rise. But hope is a wish... a feeling that you 'would' be getting it or something 'could' happen. If it didn't work, then it was a lost hope, and you move on.

I always hope that the people around me can give me back what I give them in plenty... love! Most often, I don't. They move holding their handful of matters and can't keep them in a trolley to pick mine up, can they? I respect the "busy" life that they have made for them. I respect the "priorities" that have kept in for them... Just like me! So why the hell should I complain or be sad about what they are not giving you? Forget it. Ultimately, its a one man show as I already told. And I believe in living my life with a purpose. That purpose could refine as I move on, but the idea remains the same. My purpose of life is to help people... to help them understand and to help them with what they lack. I would do it the best way possible with no returns expected. I would be courteous to others who support for the cause and respect everyone around with their way of life. I live for others and that is what I strive for.

What do you think is the meaning of your life?

YOU ARE A GOOD CREATOR!

"You there... You are one good creator! Ya! you! Don't look around. I am speaking to you, reader."

This is just an idea that flashed across me as I was dreaming of 'sleeping me'. Just think... Till the age you are now, multiplied by 365 approximately, gives the minimum number of dreams that you have created in your whole life... A whole set of stories with action, thrill, happiness, enjoyment, lust, luxury and whatever you like...name it... you would have mended a story and projected in your mind every night you slept (unless you were in deep sleep, which is a different case scientifically). Man had been creating things. The ideas he brought that changed the face of the world, which still have the potential to cause much much more difference in the world we live. But why is it that no one shows the slightest trace of it in real life? Is it because they don't realize the creativity sleeping in them or dream that"being creative is a dream"?

We all dream and we had been dreaming from the time we were born. And it is not just after coming out of your dear mother's womb, but confined within its walls itself, when you were developed enough, you did it! As of now, science can't still tell what or how the baby is dreaming in its first few years. A mature brain functioning itself has its loopholes where we fail to explain how our 'nervous' system works. No wonder how the system got its name.

So believe me on these simple grounds... YOU are one good creator! Go on ... Try ... You may invent the next antidote to cancer or the future Little boy". Just leave your thoughts go wild and roam. Voila! You will be creating...

THE MORE YOU JUDGE THE LESS YOU KNOW!

I saw her  always with a stubborn face mostly in the verandah outside the department room no. 208. I knew she was a post graduate student who'd be talking over the phone or at times with friends in the corridor. Nevertheless did I feel that she was not so interactive and feel-good-to-be-with type of a person. Sentimence and Empathy has this weird behaviour... Your outlook towards a person change poles in just a jiffy. And that's exactly what happens, at times, where you cannot judge people by what you see. Another colleague who's known for his character and helping mentality came to me asking for some resumes today. He was innocent enough saying "I have never made any resumes in my whole life and this girl has actually asked for help". The least I could do was to get some sample CVs, that students had made, from Institute LAN; and there she came. I didn't know that the girl he talked about, who lost her parents and left to move forward with a loss,nothing could replace at such an early stage of her life, was the same girl who I saw stalling across the department corridor even at late nights all alone... She was nervous because an American company offered her a job and needs a CV, which she had never done before! They sat for around an hour to finally bring out a smile; first of its kind I have seen on her otherwise serious face. I always wonder how tough it'd be to have such a loss and still move on, leaving the mark behind, as if nothing happened... That day which I had never looked forward to meet, and still not ready to meet... I hope she get a better life with happiness and satisfaction to bring out the best in her capacity... For people tend to be strong these days, when they lose something... Something one valued that never had a backup!

THE SLOW-TIME CONSIPARCY

Sometimes, you feel that you are fast enough for your surroundings. Your frequency does not match with the people you interact. It doesn’t disturb you in any manner mostly, and you make yourself compatible with the happenings. But the real you who could be more productive is suppressed by the effects of a slower moving world. It is necessary to slow down at times, but dragging yourselves to satisfy others shouldn’t be a noble option. I am forced to act as the conventions say and I follow them 95% of the times. Unknowingly when I ‘disobey’ or in the proper sense or ideologies when I so-called ‘break the convention’ then the environment acts through my mother, relatives or society as aggression or suppression saying I am an imbecile to do this or that and I should be doing it the PERFECT way to not lose its purity or clarity. This is so much affected in the religious ideologies and frequent clashes that happen in its name. As I jot down this article I had been suppressed in losing the common sense for placing the ‘pooja’ items on the ground, packed in a sack and for not keeping it in the pooja/worship room. I don’t know why but older people are reluctant to be progressive minded. My gut feeling says 20% of older community would be improvising the conventions to diplomatically satisfy the older and newer worlds/generations. Act as you command and not for others, unless the situation demands otherwise. Think forward and act productively. Don’t stand with the world to slow you down. Who knows, maybe you are going to be too fast for even the light at some point of time ;)

THE SILENT BELL

I saw this guy for the first time underneath the Water tank by the batch of 1973. Back in last summer, I was an intern and was bewildered by his actions. I doubted whether is dumb alone or deaf too. Still, I am not sure if he could really speak and hear, or is it that he didn't know any language. Always his actions with sounds here and there conveyed his message. He understood the customers' problem from their minor actions with the cycle. His usual style would be to lock up the cycles together, get the keys and gestures to tell us the time for the pickup after return. For me, he had been sincere and prompt to the time he says expect for once which he justified with a subtle smile. The lean man with his shrunk hand and belly gestured with incomplete sound to let me know that he was hungry and had to go, have his meal. I have seen him more often at the Campus Cafe with a cup of beverage and at times with a flask too. He was not always alone and had a guy or two sitting and chatting back at the shop. I am not sure whether the worker is not so dedicated or don’t know some work, but he took only puncture works. If it’s the former case, I won’t blame him for taking only puncture works, which maybe enough with the cheap salary he earns from the owner.
            I don’t want to come to false conclusions, rather urge to think and learn his situation. I am not so compassionate, but the basic humanity that dwells in me make me to ask this question to the man we can see towards the end of the day at the cycle shop, for taking the collection from the worker. It’s just a small shop and for the rags he's always in (and i haven't seen him in any other attire) I think he is not paid an amount that he actually deserves. He would be striving to adjust with his hardly some income on a daily basis. He should be having a home outside the campus and I don't know whether there's a family or not. Isn't it fair to check his situation and do the needful for a human just like us to have a better life, at least as a thanksgiving for the help he does to a great number of students? He could make a decent living out of his work on that shop on his own. Just because he is physically challenged doesn’t mean he can’t look after his own life as I see it. What he needs and lacks is some support which we could give with little effort. Seeing him around the campus speeding on his old cycle in a dirty white shirt and trousers always rings this silent bell, waiting for someone to be heard.

TEACH 2 REACH

Not all would agree to the fact that the food provided in our mess is not so bad. It depends on the person. I have experienced one each. every month to know how the taste is and find which one best suits my taste. All these caterers look after the daily dining process in a different manner. Those many people who cook and serve us food include the hierarchical mix of owner to cook or server to the crude cleaner who tries to keep the mess as clean as possible. There’s something common that I found out in every caterers. Though they are not children and in a country where child labour is prohibited and education is encouraged, we can find many workers of my age or less probably. They are visibly to be at a school or college at this time learning their native language or English or Indian history or all those crap our educational system taught all of us in our school days. It would feel that they were and are all crap but they’d come in handy someday for everyone and moreover, the time you enjoy with your friends alongside learning is something what’s defied in these people’s case.

            I had always thought of getting to know someone among them and asking about the same. Maybe I am right and I could really lend a helping hand by one among the many ways; say for example if he is an illiterate in English, which he could develop by informal talk with a letter and a word a day basis. Or we could have an interactive session after their work if possible or a common time convenient for them so as to conduct the session which could work for the benefit of them. After all, they are one among us and they deserve to learn too and not let their youth drain itself inside the kitchen and mess alone. This can even start in an informal manner and then expand to a formal one. The only factor that stays between the realization of the idea and the failure is the enthusiasm they’d show despite the hard, hot and busy day’s work.  Why not hold hands for a better community that gives for your fellow being the right to learn through us? Or maybe I am wrong...

കാഴ്ച

        അന്നു പതിവിനു വിപരീതമായി മൊബൈല്‍ ഫോണ്‍ നോക്കിയിരിക്കേണ്ട ഞാന്‍ ചുറ്റുമുള്ള സംഭവവികാസങ്ങള്‍ സമയത്തിന്റെ അനന്തതയില്‍ നടന്നു മറയുന്നത് ശ്രദ്ധിച്ചു. ജീവിതത്തിലാദ്യമായി കാല്‍പന്തു കളി അഥവാ ഫുട്ബോള്‍ മത്സരം സ്റ്റേഡിയത്തില്‍ കാണാന്‍ പോവുന്ന സന്തോഷത്തിലാണ്. സ്റ്റെഡിയത്തില്‍ ചെന്ന് ടിക്കറ്റ്‌ എടുക്കാന്‍ കൂട്ടുകാരന്‍ യുവരാജ് വരാന്‍ കാത്തിരിക്കുമ്പോഴാണ് ആ നീണ്ട കൂക്കിവിളി കേട്ടത്. “ചെന്നൈ ബീച്” ബോര്‍ഡും വെച്ച് ദാ വരുന്നു ഒരു ലോക്കല്‍ ട്രെയിന്‍. വന്നു നില്‍ക്കേണ്ട താമസം... നാലുഭാഗത്തും ജനസാഗരം ഒഴുകി. തിരക്കൊന്നു ശമിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ എന്‍റെ ശ്രദ്ധ മറ്റൊരാളിലേക്ക് ആകര്‍ഷിക്കപ്പെട്ടു. ഒരു കറുത്ത ചില്ലോടു കൂടിയ കണ്ണടയും, താങ്ങെന്നവണ്ണം മെലിഞ്ഞ വടിയും പിടിച്ച് ട്രെയിനിന്റെ അരിക് തൊട്ടു തലോടി അയാള്‍ നടന്നു നീങ്ങി. ബോഗിയുടെ അറ്റത്തെ വാതിലിലെത്തിയ അയാള്‍ തപ്പിത്തടഞ്ഞ് ട്രെയിനിലേക്ക്‌ കേറി. എവിടെയും കാണുന്ന പോലെ ഒരു കണ്ണടയും വടിയുമായി പരസഹായം യാചനയിലൂടെ തേടുന്ന ഒരാളെ ഞാന്‍ മനസ്സില്‍ കണ്ടു. പ്രതീക്ഷാതീതം, അയാള്‍ മിഠായിപ്പൊതികള്‍ സഞ്ചിയില്‍ നിന്നെടുത്തു വില്‍ക്കുന്നതാണ് കണ്ടത്. തൊട്ടു പിറകെ ദാ വരുന്നു ഒരു മൊഞ്ചന്‍ ഹിജഡ. പാണ്ടി സാരി ഉടുത്തു വളയും പൊട്ടുമായി സാധാരണ ഒരു ഹിജഡ കാണിക്കുന്ന കൊപ്രായത്തരവും കൈകൊട്ടിക്കളിയുമായി കണ്ടവന്റെ കീശ കീറുന്ന ഐശ്വര്യത്തിന്റെ പ്രതീകം. മുന്നില്‍ പോയ അന്ധനെ തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കാത്ത ചേട്ടന്മാര്‍ മറ്റവനെ കണ്ടതും പേഴ്സ് തുറന്നു കേറി വന്ന മഹാലക്ഷ്മിയെ അഥവാ ലക്ഷ്മണനെ ഐശ്വര്യത്തോടെ സ്വീകരിച്ചു. കാണണേ ലോകം!!! അതിശയിപ്പിക്കുന്ന കാഴ്ച തന്നെ. ട്രെയിന്‍ വീണ്ടും ചൂളമടിച്ചു. പതിയെ നടന്നു നീങ്ങുന്ന ആ പാവം വില്പനകാരനെ ട്രെയിനിന്റെ ജനല്‍കണ്ണികല്‍ക്കിടയിലൂടെ ഒരവസാന നോക്ക് കണ്ടു. അദ്ധേഹത്തെ പൂര്‍ണ്ണമായും മറച്ചു കൊണ്ട് സമൂഹത്തിലെ അധികപെറ്റും!  

        മറ്റൊരതിശയം പറയുന്നത് ഇങ്ങനെ: സ്വാര്‍ത്ഥതാല്‍പര്യാര്‍ത്ഥം ഐശ്വര്യം തേടുന്ന ഒരു പറ്റം ജനം ഒരു വഴിക്ക്. തന്നെ പോലെ തന്റെ കൂടെയുള്ളവനും ജീവിക്കാന്‍ അവകാശം ഉണ്ടെന്നും തന്റേതു പോലെ അവന്റെ വയറും ഒരു നേരമെങ്കില്‍ ഒരു നേരം നിറയണം എന്ന് മനസ്സിലാക്കുകയും ആഗ്രഹിക്കുകയും ചെയ്യുന്ന മറ്റൊരു കൂട്ടം ജനം മറുവഴിക്ക്!

ഇരുട്ടിന്‍ പ്രകാശം

ഒരു അദ്ധ്യാപകന്‍ ആവാന്‍ എന്നും ഏറ്റവുമധികം പ്രേരണ നല്‍കിയിരുന്നത്  എന്‍റെ അച്ഛന്‍ തന്നെയായിരുന്നു. ഓര്‍മ്മ വച്ച നാള്‍ മുതല്‍ അങ്ങിങ്ങായി താന്‍ പഠിപ്പിച്ച വിദ്യാര്‍ഥികള്‍ അടുത്തേയ്ക്കോടിയെത്തി ‘സാറിനെന്നെ ഓര്‍മ്മയുണ്ടോ?’ എന്ന ചോദ്യം പാസ്സാക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ഓര്‍ത്തെടുക്കാന്‍ ശ്രമിക്കുന്ന അച്ഛന്റെയും ആകാംഷയോടെ നോക്കി നില്‍ക്കുന്ന പൂര്‍വ്വവിദ്യാര്‍ത്ഥിയുടെയും കാഴ്ച തരുന്ന അനുഭൂതിയ്ക്കൊരു രസം ഉണ്ട്. അതേ സമയം മറ്റു ചില സംഭവങ്ങളും അതിലുപരി വ്യക്തികളും സമമായ സ്വാധീനം ചെലുത്തിയിട്ടുണ്ട്. അങ്ങനെയൊരു വ്യക്തിയെ ആദ്യമായി കാണാന്‍ ഇടയായത് അച്ഛന്റെ വിദ്യാലയത്തില്‍ നിന്നുള്ള ഉല്ലാസയാത്രയുടെ അന്തിമ ദിനത്തിലായിരുന്നു. അച്ഛനെ കൂട്ടാന്‍ സ്കൂളിന്റെ പടിവാതില്‍ക്കല്‍ നിന്ന നേരമത്രയും രക്ഷിതാക്കള്‍ തങ്ങളുടെ കുട്ടികളെ ഒന്നൊന്നായി കൂട്ടിക്കൊണ്ടു പോവുകയായിരുന്നു. കൂട്ടത്തില്‍ ടീച്ചറുമ്മാരും പതുക്കെ സ്ഥലം കാലിയാക്കി തുടങ്ങി. അവസാനം നിന്ന രണ്ടു പേരില്‍ ഒരാള്‍ അച്ഛനോടു കുശലം ചോദിക്കുന്നതിനിടെ തന്റെ മകനെ പറ്റി,അതായത് എന്നെ പറ്റി ചോദിക്കാനിടയായി. അങ്ങനെ വന്നെന്നെ പരിചയപ്പെടാന്‍ നേരം ‘ഹാന്‍ഡ്‌ഷേക്ക്‌’ തരാന്‍ നീട്ടിയ എന്‍റെ കൈയ്യില്‍ നിന്നും മാറി തന്റെ കൈ നീട്ടിയപ്പോള്‍ ആദ്യം ഞാന്‍ അദ്ഭുതപ്പെട്ടു. പിന്നെ അങ്ങോട്ട്‌ കൈ നീട്ടി ആ കൈകള്‍ പിടിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ പൊക്കി പിടിച്ചിരിക്കുന്ന തലയും ഒരു കറുത്ത കണ്ണാടിയും മറുകൈയ്യിലൊരു മെലിഞ്ഞ വടിയും എനിക്ക് തന്നത്, വെളിച്ചമില്ലാത്ത വഴിയിലൂടെ വളര്‍ന്നു വരുന്ന ഒരു ജനതയെ നയിക്കുന്ന അന്തസ്സും ആത്മാര്‍ഥതയും നിറഞ്ഞു നിന്ന ഒരു വ്യക്തിത്വത്തെയായിരുന്നു. അഭിമാനപൂര്‍വ്വം ഞാന്‍ എന്നും ഓര്‍മ്മയില്‍ കൊണ്ടുനടക്കാന്‍ ഇഷ്ട്ടപ്പെടുന്ന അദ്ദേഹം കിലോമീറ്ററുകള്‍ താണ്ടി മറ്റു സുഹൃതുക്കള്‍ക്കൊപ്പം എന്‍റെ പുതിയ വീടിന്റെ പാലുകാച്ചല്‍ ചടങ്ങിനു വന്നു കാണിച്ചത്, എന്തിനും എവിടെയും തനിക്ക് ഇരുട്ട് ഒരു ബാധ്യത അല്ല എന്നതായിരുന്നു. കണ്ണുണ്ടായിട്ടും നാം കാണുന്നതും കാണാന്‍ ഇഷ്ടപ്പെടുന്നതും അദ്ധേഹത്തിന്റെ മുന്നില്‍ ശൂന്യമാകുന്ന സമയം ഒന്നോര്‍ക്കുക... തനിക്കു കിട്ടിയ നിര്‍ഭാഗ്യം ചുമന്ന്‍, പറ്റുന്ന രീതിയില്‍ ജീവിച്ചു തീര്‍ക്കുന്ന അദ്ദേഹം നമ്മള്‍ ചെയ്യുന്ന കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ കുറച്ചു പ്രയാസത്തോടെയെങ്കിലും സന്തോഷത്തോടെ ചെയ്തു തീര്‍ക്കുന്നു. അദ്ദേഹത്തിനത് സാധ്യമെങ്കില്‍ എന്തുകൊണ്ട് നമുക്കതിലുപരി ചെയ്യാന്‍ കഴിയുന്നില്ലാ എന്നാ ചോദ്യം ആലോച്ചനാജനകം തന്നെ. എന്നും ഓര്‍മ്മയില്‍ ഒരു കോണില്‍ മാതൃകയായി, പ്രചോദനമായി അദ്ദേഹം എന്നും ഉണ്ടാകണം എന്നു ഞാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്നു... ഇനിയും ഒരുപാട് വര്‍ഷങ്ങള്‍ താണ്ടാനും നല്ല ജനതയെ മേനഞ്ഞെടുക്കാനും അദ്ദേഹത്തിനു കഴിയട്ടെ എന്നു ഞാന്‍ പ്രാര്‍ഥിക്കുന്നു

INKLING SCRIBBLING

The calm night in the moonlight gave her hope. The girl, unlucky, thought hard for a way out of there, but in vain. Eventually she gave in to the dark and foggy sight through the window. And something struck the princess as she giggled; but why? Her hope now restored on the dreams of her knight who’d free her from the witch’s clutches. He’d fight through the goons, break through the walls and ravage upon the witch's empire, dreamt the princess. The princess knew that his way is tough and saw the sneaking freak from behind and “Oh my God! He’s wounded”. And her long scream that followed broke the thoughts as she found the screeching alarm beside her bed. Slowly opening her eyes, she saw that book lying on the floor with the fierce warrior in the open pages. She was holding fast to the pen in her hands, waiting for that day, for the real escape.

A TALE RETOLD...

Let me pull you back to my  High School Board Exams time..

Mom said: "This is the turning point of your life.. "

And during Entrance exam's time at the zenith of my 'school'ing- a lost time, past repeated : "This is the turning point of your life..." :D

Once everything was over and I entered my graduation course did a whistle come off the Pressure cooker... :D

I suppose I'll have the future written with many other so-called 'turning point's... like the time I get a graduation..a job(depends on BOSS's grace)..a marriage( A black hole..you won't know what's on the other side :D )... A divorce(probably not.. :D )..and many more..till your time's up as you take the flight down to an approximate 200x80 pit.. 

Turning point's now a myth...The realization that I'm the author of my life is what drives me now in the 'Survival of Fittest' gameplay in action ...Yes, you could argue "I have my dad,my mom,my bro,my Sis...Don't forget friends.." 

Apologies to disclose the truth that this dependency is just a mist of sham...A faux dream...which would feel good now..If you were always lucky enough to go smooth over your time, not long will you have an occasion where you're left alone to subsist in this world of nightmares... Its just a One man Show... It had always been so... Only that you had or chose the right people around you, to assist you, and assist to... ending in 'happily ever after' as in a fairy tale..

Life's a tale. But it is not already written; rather narrated each second by yourself...

And I bet with an outlook of the 'real' reality, your children and grandchildren would surely have you in place of 'Hansel and Gretel'..A tale retold.. :)